Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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