he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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