the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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