Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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