I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
