my phone needs a breathalizer
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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