..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
