When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
