Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
