between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
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The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
It's official drugs can't kill me
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
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You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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