Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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