So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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