Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
