I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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