I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
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