The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Randomize
