i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
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You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
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How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
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