Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
