you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
