She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Randomize
