Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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