Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
