our cab driver is having phone sex.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
