brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
