I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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