I want you more than these girls want KFC
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
