On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
