True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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