you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Randomize
