Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
