She said her name was "party"
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
