fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
