I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
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