He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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