And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
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He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
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Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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