I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
