the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
