Kareoke will never be a sober sport
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
