so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
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It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
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