need another drink. this is the easiest way
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
