He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
