i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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