one word: firstdatebathroomanal
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
