Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
