He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
