I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
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No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
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