so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
dude i'm inner monologue high
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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