she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
