do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
