so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
