It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
