I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
