my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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