we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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