just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
