So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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