you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
True strength comes from lack of pants
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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