last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
