did you get engaged???
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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